Saving Malfoy
by Nanaki BH
Summary: Apparently Draco has been watching British movies. Save him, Harry! gagfic, HarryxDraco, and lots of Saving Grace references Finished!
1. Chapter One

Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own Harry Potter; definitely not mine. And no, Saving Grace is also not mine. It's still very funny though.  
  
~  
  
Saving Malfoy  
  
~  
  
Today was a good day. In fact, today was a really good day. It seemed as if everyone was in a good mood. Not even Malfoy was around to bother me and ruin this moment. It may be impossible, but even Snape seemed unusually alive. Well, so far everything is awesome. All I need now is a buttered roll.  
  
I sat up in my seat at the Gryffindor house table and reached over by Ron to grab one but instead a box of cereal was forced into my hand.  
  
"Bloody hell is this?"  
  
I looked up to be met by the smiling face of my ultimate enemy: Draco Malfoy.  
  
And, in some creepy womanly English accent, he said, "Would you care for some Corn Flakes? They're heavenly!"  
  
Ron and Hermione stood to protect me. "Sod off, Malfoy!" Ron shouted. "Don't get trying anything funny!"  
  
Draco's eyebrows knitted in a furrow. "I was only trying to help." He began to tear. "I love Harry. I love him so much." At this he flung the box of Corn Flakes in the air and sobbed openly.  
  
I watched the box fall to the floor with a soft clatter. I was too stunned to move. Since when did Malfoy act like this? And since when did he love me?  
  
By now he was sitting at our table, arms folded under his head, sobbing away. He mumbled something that we could hear so we all leaned closer. "I only w-w-wanted you to t-try the C-c-corn Flakes! They're just so g-good."  
  
I ran around the table to stand by him. Hermione gave me a strange look, but I ignored her and put my hand on his shoulder. "It's okay. I'll," I paused, wondering if this was only one big hoax, "I'll try the Corn Flakes." He sighed loudly and looked up at me with hope-filled eyes.  
  
"Really?" he whimpered.  
  
Before any of us could do anything, really, Crabbe and Goyle barged over.  
  
"Thank God you found him!" Crabbe sighed. "We've been looking for him everywhere."  
  
Hermione raised an eyebrow. "What's wrong with him? It doesn't look like any magic poisoning I've ever seen." She gave him a critical eye. "Has something happened to him that we should know about?"  
  
Goyle shook his head. "We're not sure either. He went to some muggle populated area this weekend. That may have something to do with it."  
  
My eyes narrowed. "Malfoy, what did you do this weekend? Did you eat something funny? Are you sick?" I couldn't help concern from seeping into my voice. Was I actually concerned for him? I sure couldn't tell.  
  
"Well, I thought it would be lovely fun to try something new. I went to this big building first."  
  
"Where was this building?" Ron asked.  
  
"Where I got the Corn Flakes!" he answered cheerily.  
  
I shook my head. "He must mean a grocery store. Did you buy anything besides the Corn Flakes?"  
  
"I bought a movie! It was a delightful movie!" he sang. "'was lovely, lovely movie!"  
  
I slapped my forehead. "What was the movie about, Draco?"  
  
"Does this have any significance, Harry?" Hermione asked. "What would a movie do to him?"  
  
"Well, there was this lady named Grace," he started, but when I threw my hands in the air he stopped. "What is it, Harry?"  
  
"He's been watching Saving Grace," I concluded.  
  
"And DOES that have any significance, Harry?" Ron asked this time.  
  
I sighed. "Well, it's why he's acting high. It's what the movie was about. It's where he got the idea for the Corn Flakes from too."  
  
"Care for some Corn Flakes?" he asked again, box in hand once more.  
  
I sat down next to him and hugged him. "I'm afraid he's scarred for life."  
  
Crabbe and Goyle immediately rushed to his side. "Master Malfoy, what's happened to you?!" they bawled. Goyle sniffed and asked, "Will he ever be okay again?"  
  
I shook my head woefully. "He might, but over time. He'll either have to eat LOTS of Corn Flakes, or he'll have to watch Saving Grace until he gets tired of it."  
  
"But where would we get that many boxes of cereal?" asked Hermione.  
  
"We can't right now. We'd have to go back to a grocery store, but how would we do that during school? The only other solution is to find his tape. Somebody will have to make him watch it," I resolved, nodding knowingly.  
  
The four others glared at me. "What? Can't Crabbe and Goyle watch it with him?"  
  
They turned away sadly. "We die every time we see him like this."  
  
"And how often is he like 'this'?" Ron asked as a joke.  
  
"Frequently," they said. Ron's eyebrows shot up and he burst into laughter.  
  
"So I guess you want me to stay with him?" I asked.  
  
They all nodded. "That's the general idea," said Hermione. "You're the only other person that's seen the movie."  
  
"And what a lovely, lovely movie it was!" Draco said merrily.  
  
I looked them all over carefully, making sure they were serious. When I realized they were, I resumed Draco's earlier position with my head in my arms. "You've got to be kidding me," I muttered, "a whole night with Malfoy watching Saving Grace? I'll go bloody mad!"  
  
Goyle and Crabbe patted Malfoy and I on the shoulder respectfully and left to the Slytherin table. Hermione and Ron sat back down and continued eating like nothing had ever happened. And I was left sitting next to a giddy Draco, who was still singing joyously about the wonders of Corn Flakes.  
  
I looked up, tears now in my eyes. "Will you shut up?" I asked.  
  
He looked at me a little surprised but continued to giggle. "We'll have a lovely time together, Harry!" he cheered. He flung his arms around me, dropping the cereal again, and kissed me full on the mouth. "A lovely, lovely time!"  
  
I heard Ron gag and Hermione giggle. But in my own head, it was like guns were going off.  
  
I screamed.  
  
~  
  
Author's Notes: That had to be the most pointless thing I've ever written, but I assure you, there will be more. =D I've never really seen Saving Grace, my friend Rachel has though. I was at her house for three days in a row and all I heard them saying was "Would you like some Corn Flakes? They're heavenly!" all in that really cheesy accent. I've actually begun to say it myself. T.T It's addictive. And at one point when we were driving, Rachel and I started talking about Harry Potter. I mentioned Malfoy and couldn't help saying it like, "Potter would you like some Corn Flakes?" So I guess that's how this got started.  
  
Well, I hope you liked that. It sure was fun to write. And yes, there will be some DracoxHarry. I can't resist the urge! Please review and tell me what you think. Should I add something? Want a request? I'll do it all. 


	2. Chapter Two

Disclaimer: All of Harry Potter belongs to J. K. Rowling. Any related stuff is hers too. Something belongs to Warner Brothers... I have no idea who made Saving Grace.  
  
Saving Malfoy

By Nanaki BH

I remembered watching Saving Grace. I had seen it on TV at the Dursley's. Dudley had sat down for one of his three-hour rituals of eating pizza and watching the telly and it happened to be on. It was the most boring thing I had ever watched. I don't usually get to watch TV, and I wouldn't have, had Dudley not fallen asleep. I considered changing the channel but stopped myself when I thought of the consequences when he woke to something different. Who knows if he would have noticed, the big oaf... The movie had been something about a priest and a widow-woman, or something of the sort. He's growing pot in their rectory... or was it that other girl's boyfriend? I honestly have no idea. I can't recall any of it clearly like I wished.  
  
At the moment I was looking forward to a boring night of watching a boring movie, with a person who was anything other than boring. I had asked Dean early about if he knew where I could find a television. He happily opened his trunk for me and pulled out a mini TV with a VCR built right in. How odd, Dean was. Lucky that he had so much Muggle in him. Who else would have a TV in their trunk? He also had some nice magazines, but I won't get into that story...  
  
I propped the TV in the middle of the boys' dorm room and brought in two small chairs. I looked at the clock hanging on the wall. Malfoy was five minutes late. I brushed back my robes and strode down the steps to the common room. I looked around, tapping my foot. A loud BANG startled me and I ran to the port hole. In tumbled Neville with Draco Malfoy. I shook my head. I should have suspected.  
  
"My apologies, Harry!" muttered Neville. "I had to look for the password and," his sentenced traveled and he shrugged.  
  
"I understand. Uh... why don't you head on over to the library and study with Hermione and Ron? We have an up coming Arithmancy quiz. Remember, the chapter on Dowsing." At my words a crease appeared on Neville's brow.  
  
"Dowsing? Was that the Chinese one? Or was that the Greek one?" He slapped his forehead. "How do they expect me to remember that?"  
  
I sighed and Draco shuffled to my side. "They're all Chaldean and Greek. Dowsing was Chinese and Egyptian based. It's the one used for finding water and treasure and the like." I must have had Neville shivering in his shoes by now because he turned tail and fled out the port hole. I sighed again and turned my attention back to Malfoy.  
  
He grinned widely at me and held out a dandelion for me. "I picked it on the grounds! It's a pretty color so I thought you'd like it!" He looked so damn innocent.  
  
I had to use all the strength in me to smile... but I just wanted to make myself think it was hard. I was already smiling from ear to ear. I reached out and gingerly took the flower from his hands. "Thanks," I said, not noticing much how softer my voice had become. "Well, let's get to your treatment, shall we?" I started to walk toward the dorms but he just kind of... stood there. I stalked back and grabbed his hand and he happily followed me into the boys' room. "Here," I said, "I got the chair's here. Sit down."  
  
He stuck out his tongue and made some silly face at me. "I'm not sitting on one of those! That's not very comfortable! Don't you have some nice cushions or a soft rug?" He crossed his arms and sat down on the floor next to the chairs. "Because I'm certainly not sitting on those." I was just about ready to kick him.  
  
"Fine!" I cried, throwing my arms in the air. I ran to my bed and pulled the comforter off. He laughed good naturedly and took the load from my arms. "Good! This will make it a lot more comfortable." He lay down on his stomach, propping his chin up with his palms, his feet kicking merrily behind him. "Now all we're missing is the snacks." At this I immediately pulled a package of Oreos out of my trunk.  
  
I was about to sit down before I remembered. "Hey, Draco, you have the video, right?"  
  
He looked slightly confused for a moment but rummaged through his robes until he found the video. It was stuffed in his pocket... or some other small space. "There you are!" He handed me the tape and I popped it into the player on the TV. "Movie! Movie! Movie!" he chanted excitedly.  
  
I groaned. "Okay, okay, I'm getting there! Will you be quiet for a second?" He didn't hear me, of course. The commercials before the movie came on and I pressed forward until it started up. "Now, be quiet and... enjoy the movie." I grimaced. This was going to be a long night.  
  
Author's Note: Everyone should be amazed that I'm continuing this. Review if you want me to keep going. I'll probably do more when I'm bored again. My knowledge of Harry Potter and the Hogwarts castle are much vaster now. As are my writing skills. I hope that was a big step up from the earlier chapter. I have no beta and I'm too lazy to read back. If you review and mention something about errors then I know you didn't read this note. XD 


	3. Chapter Three

Disclaimer: Geez, I still don't own Harry Potter. All related material belongs to J. K. Rowling. Dammit. She's so smart. Saving Grace isn't mine either. I may have some other things that aren't mine in here... Like Oreos and stuff. Now, enjoy!  
  
Saving Malfoy  
  
By Nanaki BH  
  
It was already past midnight. The other guys had come up an hour ago, begging to be let in, but I told them there was no way Malfoy was leaving. Surely they didn't want to be locked in the same room with Draco so they opted for the common room floor, chairs and couch. By the fourth showing of the movie, Draco still wasn't sick of it. He seemed to be quieting down, which was a major improvement from the imitations of all the characters when we watched it for the first time. Occasionally, he would do something to wake someone up. Ron had been awakened when he started to run around the dorm room throwing pillows at me. I threw them all back at him but he just kept on with it. Eventually I gave in and started to have... fun. That's when Ron came in. His eyebrows knitted up in confusion and his eyes had gone wide. I distinctly remember that "Meep" sound he made before scampering back down the stairs. I had dropped the pillow and I could feel a blush on my cheeks. Then there was the time Hermione came up. She hadn't been waked by us. Actually, she said she was nervous about a quiz Snape had mentioned. He always threatens us with quizzes when Hermione 'shows off'. She sat down next to Draco and ate Oreos with us for almost a good hour. I had noticed how she kept throwing glances at me. Was that jealousy I saw in her eyes? I couldn't have been sure. The lighting in the room wasn't too good, casting a yellowish-red glow on everything. When she left, she turned around once more to get a good look at us. I must have been right.  
  
But now I just sat here wondering when this madness will ever end. This movie is complete and total crap! Who would have ever wanted to make this thing? I bet the person who made it didn't dream of it for years and years. They probably got asked "Hey, Steve, why don't we make a movie" and so they thought up the worst, crappiest movie they could think of. Maybe they jinxed the tape to give it mind-numbing powers. Yeah, that must be it.  
  
I turned on my side to get a good view of Draco.  
  
He was asleep. "What?" I cried. "No, Draco! You can't go to sleep! You have to stay awake so you can get tired of this movie!" I shook his shoulders and he groaned quite loud.  
  
"But I AM tired, Harry. Maybe some toast will help or some scones." He leaned forward so he could rest his head on my shoulder. "What do you think, Harry? Toast? Scones?" He rubbed his face into my neck and I caught myself before I sighed at the sensation.  
  
"No, Draco! We need to be watching the movie. The movie, remember?" I pointed to the television. "Get off, please."  
  
"Nnnmm," he mumbled against my neck. "Toast. Scones. Maybe tea."  
  
I growled. "We don't have any of that. Just..." I couldn't finish my sentence. Hermione was standing in the doorway.  
  
"Just like I thought!" she wailed. "I knew you two were up to something fishy! Draco pretending to be ill just to spend time with Harry! Why didn't you tell me, Harry? I'm your friend. You could have come to me." She sighed dramatically. "I can't believe you."  
  
Why must everyone confuse me so? "Hermione, there was never a problem. I'm in control of what ever it is that you think I'm not in control of... if that makes sense. Listen, just don't worry about us. We need to watch more of this. Then he'll be back to his same old soul-crushing, heart-devastating self." I waved my hand at her to say that we'd be fine. "Don't worry about us," I repeated. "We have it handled."  
  
"No," she whined. "I'm not talking about that. I mean, why didn't you tell me you were," she looked around to make sure no one was listening, "gay?"  
  
I sputtered and I could tell I had a blush on my face again. "Gay? Who said I was gay? He's just acting really friendly! It's none of my fault!" She simply shook her head at my attempt to protest. She sat down next to me, Draco back asleep on my chest.  
  
"It's no one's fault," she said, patting my knee. "It's just one of those things that can't be helped. It's no one's fault and it certainly isn't yours." Her eyes showed much sickening concern. Concern like that was real, but so sappy that it made me ill.  
  
I gagged on the words I wanted to say. "Hermione, I think you have the wrong idea," I started.  
  
She put her hand up in from of my face to keep me from continuing. "No, Harry, you're just in denial. It's the stage you go through before accepting the way you are. It happens in every gay person... well, most of them at least." She shrugged and Draco shifted around uncomfortably in my arms.  
  
"And how would you know that?" I asked, my eyes narrowing.  
  
She grinned. "I'm lesbian! I've been going out with Ginny!" I almost fell over.  
  
Okay, I did fall over. My eyes rolled back in my head and Draco fell out of my arms. By the time my head stopped spinning I realized I could form intelligent words. "Know does Ron?" Okay, maybe that wasn't too accurate of a statement either. I shook my head from side to side to clear my thoughts. "Does Ron know?" I managed to ask. I almost didn't recognize them as words until a second later.  
  
She smiled sweetly. "Yeah, but the rest of this family has no idea. See, I have what some Muggle teens call 'gaydar'. It's like gay radar. When I get near a gay person I can just feel it. I feel some mad gay vibes from you guys. You had better just fess up. You know I'm right." She crossed her arms. She appeared pretty adamant with her decision.  
  
"Hermione..." I warned.  
  
She giggled. "Okay! But see how you feel in the morning. I just suggest going to sleep by now. If Snape does decide to give us that quiz then it's going to be all your fault if you fail." She turned and started back to the girl's dorm.  
  
"No," I said, "it'll be Draco's fault. Or maybe," I felt my eyelids growing heavier. "Maybe it's no one's fault."  
  
Author's note: Mwahaha! How was that? I took some advice and threw in some suggested ideas and I made it longer. Man, I just hope you all like it so far. I'm expecting my next chapter to be the last. Enjoy! Please review! 


	4. Chapter Four

Disclaimer: Nah, it's still not mine. Dammit. Harry Potter and all affiliated material belong to J. K. Rowling. Saving Grace belongs to... someone else.  
  
Saving Malfoy  
  
By Nanaki BH  
  
By the time I woke up sun was already filtering into the room. It had that sort of warm, comfortable dimness that I loved. And something smelled delicious. I opened my eyes to find a plate being pushed into my hands. I had forgotten I was sleeping on the floor. Draco stood in front of me with a grin of pure satisfaction on his gaunt face. His limbs were akimbo and an air of happiness radiated from his features. "What..." I looked down to the plate of toast in my hands. My eyes went almost as large as the plate itself. "Where did you get the toast?" I asked.  
  
His grin only widened, if that's even possible. "The real question is how you would like it. Jelly? Butter? Both perhaps?" He cocked an eyebrow to exaggerate his question. Apparently our experiment had failed.  
  
"You're not any better," I sighed. "You're just like you were! Please tell me you don't want to talk like those old British women anymore!" I pleaded. I had had enough of that from the Dursley's relatives. For some reason they seemed to be in cahoots with old women from all over Britain; very odd, indeed.  
  
He tapped me on the forehead. "That movie was something horrid. Please, just never make me watch it again. I think I had enough of it for one night." Right as he finished I heard steps traveling up the stairs. He turned, looking mildly startled. "Weasel?" he sneered. That's my Malfoy! He grabbed a piece of buttered toast from his own plate and chucked it in Ron's general direction. Bull's eye! It hit Ron right in the face, butter side out. And thank Heaven, Draco was laughing.  
  
"Dammit!" Ron groaned, peeling the toast from his face. He looked thoughtful for a moment and took a bite of the toast. "This isn't half bad..." he mumbled through a bite. "Anyway, it seems you're back to normal so you can just leave now," he said.  
  
"No!" I cried. Ron gave me a look of surprise. I really didn't have any way of defending why I didn't want him to leave. Oh hell, Hermione was right. "Uh..." I was thinking fast to come up with a response.  
  
Five minutes later...  
  
"Uh..." Okay, so maybe it wasn't as fast as I would have liked. "He makes good toast!"  
  
Ron shook his head, looking quite puzzled with me. "Fine, eat your toast. Our first class is in ten minutes. You better get a move on, lover boys." He chortled on his way back down the stairs, leaving Malfoy and I in utter shock. Well, maybe it's just me who's in shock. Why does Hermione have to be right about everything, even down to my love life? She's even right about the denial... but you didn't hear that from me. I'm in denial, remember? Hermione knows nothing, I tell you.  
  
Malfoy sat back down on the floor next to me. The comforter was still spread out under us. He took the plate from my hands and set it aside. "Harry," he started softly, eyes in his lap, "happy endings don't just come for people in those movies do they?" he asked. When he looked back up I could see something more in his eyes; sincerity?  
  
I ran over the thoughts in my head, trying to come up with something that sounded more appropriate than a fairy tale or children's story. Eventually I decided on, "I guess they are. You just have to look for your own happy ending. Sometimes a happy ending needs to be found with help from someone else." A slow smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. He leaned forward into my lap and ever so gently placed a kiss to my lips. It lasted but a second, but it was the best feeling in the world. Better than Quidditch. Better than Cho Chang... anything's better than Cho, actually.  
  
When he pulled away, that silly grin was plastered on his face again. "I love you Harry Potter, you damn scar head!" he backed up slightly and then through himself forward and into my embrace. He nearly knocked me over in the process. "I heard what Hermione said last night and I figured I should say something as well." He tapped me on the nose. Damn, why did he have to be so sweet... so... not like Malfoy? Maybe in trying to turn him back from the 'British woman' craze, he turned into a totally different person. But he still did throw the toast a Ron. That can't be ignored.  
  
I looked down at my watch. "We only have five more minutes, Draco. I should probably get ready." I tried to get up to leave but Draco pulled me back down.  
  
He kissed my cheek. "Then you still have time for your toast! Would like jelly, butter, or both?"  
  
Author's Notes: Yay! I actually finished a fanfic for once! Thank you to all my loyal readers/ reviewers. I appreciated all the reviews, especially because I was feeling crappy. I looked in my mail box and saw all the nice things you had to say and it brightened my day right away. This chapter may be shorter, but I personally liked the ending. I hope you enjoyed my lil' fic! 


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